writing test
I went on a bit of a writing spree tonight and thought I should post a sample. This is from a writing exercise and I think it came out quite well.Anna’s Tale version one:
Time flows so strangely now. I sit on the porch watching the ocean and I’m really in the moment. I’m relaxed and at peace, with no aches and pains at all. From inside the house the sound of Mozart comes floating out to me and this is a lovely counterpoint to the seagulls and the waves. In a short time my daughter and her husband will be coming to take me to their home to live and I feel sad about leaving the house I built with husband, but the reality is I can’t look after things anymore and at 87; I want the peace of security. A heron splashes down near the railing of the porch and stares out at the water, hoping for a fish lunch. I like herons they always make me think of scholars pondering the universe. A sudden breeze has come in off the water making me shiver, but I want to stay out here until Caitlin and Mark get here.
The smell of salt mixes with the garden and I’m suddenly in my family’s garden when I was eighteen. My mother and father were sitting at the patio table having coffee and I had come out to talk with them about school. Having just graduated from private school with top marks I was full of my success and wanted to continue, but my mother thought that a university education was unnecessary for a young woman. I was in tears, passionately defending my desire to go and study astronomy. The day was beautiful and clear with the sun high in the sky and I was dressed casually, both because of the oncoming summer and because no callers were scheduled to come to the house that day. I remember my hands twisting the ties of my dress around and around my fingers until I was afraid they might break. My hair was short then and very curly and I can clearly picture my mother grumbling while trying to style it into something fashionable. It never was easy to make me look good. I was always awkward, shoes untied, a smudge on my face, hair blowing in the wind, and I would constantly forget my hat on buses and at school. Back then, my father was working for the Black Ball Ferry company as their overall manager, so our life was comfortable and we were happy, with some small luxuries, like a good radio, many books, theatre tickets and dinners out on occasion. My father had always valued reading and education and he had stayed very quiet during this argument in the garden, but then out of nowhere, he stood and told my mother that I would be going to university that fall.
That was a very long time ago and I realize sitting here outside the house that I built with my husband Harold, that I am very lucky. Life has been good and it is still good. Caitlin is honking from the drive and I’m taking one last long look at this place before I go. The telescope is gone from the porch now, but it will be with me in the rooms I’ll have at Caitlin’s. Astronomy is part of my soul now. I love that I got the chance to be an astronomer when the field was exploding in all directions and now as I look at the field years later, I’m fascinated by how far we’ve come. Dad, I owe it all to you for allowing me the chance to discover myself back then.
Version Two:
Time flows so strangely now, thought Anna Louewens as she leaned back in the swing, on her porch facing the ocean. The view was as fabulous as ever, with the sounds of Mozart drifting in from the house, providing a counterpoint to the seagulls and waves. She felt completely in the moment, with no aches and pains to bother her, everything was peace and contentment. Pretty soon, her daughter and her daughter’s husband would be arriving to take her to live with them and she was spending these last few hours just soaking up the atmosphere of the house that she and her husband had built so many years ago. The grief at having to leave her home was tempered with her awareness that at 87 she wasn’t able to cope with everything alone anymore and part of her yearned for the peace of security. Caitlin’s house was big enough that she would have some privacy, so it wasn’t a terrible compromise, but it still rankled, this loss of independence. A heron splashed down near the porch railing, scanning the sea for a fish lunch. She watched the heron with pleasure, thinking that they looked like scholars pondering the universe. A sudden breeze came off the water, making her shiver, but she resisted going inside, wanting to stay with the ocean until Caitlin and Mark arrived.
The smell of the salt mixed with the smell of the garden, and Anna was thrust back in her mind, to her family’s garden when she was eighteen and freshly graduated from private school with top honours. Her parent’s were at the patio table with coffee, and she had come out to talk with them about her plans. She desperately wanted to continue on to university and study astronomy, having had a class in it at school the year before, but her mother thought that a young woman had no need of further education. The tears came even though she tried to stop them, rolling down her summer frock. The weather seemed so blue and clear for such a terrible fight, and she wished that it would thunder, just to get her point across. The ties of her dress were wrapped in her fingers so tightly that she had to force herself to stop or risk breaking them. Her hair was short then and very curly, so much so, that her mother used to despair of it ever being tidy; but that just went along with the rest of her; awkward, shoes untied, a smudge on her face, hair blowing in the wind, and she would constantly forget her hat on buses and at school. It was a constant fight to keep her self together; her mind was always somewhere else. Back then, her father worked for Black Ball Ferries as their manager, so home life was comfortable with some small luxuries, like a good radio, many books, theatre tickets and dinners out on occasion. Her father had always valued reading and education and he had stayed very quiet during this argument, having heard it many times since this last year of private school had started. This time, however; as the argument came to a head, he stood up and demanded silence, stating that Anna would be going to university that fall, nothing would change his mind.
Coming back to herself, Anna remembered how happy she’d been at university and how lucky she’d been over the years. The house she had built with Harold so many years ago, her children and grandchildren, the career in astronomy she had developed over 57 wonderful years. A car honked in the drive and she realized that Caitlin had arrived. She stood to have one last look at the house. The telescope was gone from the porch, but it would be joining her at Caitlin’s. Astronomy was a part of her soul now, and she would stop when she died. She was so proud of having been an astronomer when the field was exploding in all sorts of new directions and she was still fascinated with where it was going. She thanked her father for that long-ago chance and walked down to the car.
